I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
