When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
