This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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