after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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