i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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