alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
