So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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