here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
