We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
