wakey wakey hands off snakey
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
