I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
