Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
