Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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