Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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