3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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