hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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