i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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