you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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