went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize