Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
