Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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