ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
