Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
