Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
