garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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