I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
