The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
