what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
