I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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