I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
