This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
