my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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