You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I am spending my child support on dildos
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Text me some of your sweat
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
