News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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