I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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