I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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