I faked an abortion last night.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
