got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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