When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
cat food counts as protein by the way
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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