if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
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