let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
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