You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We got so high we made milksteak
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
