Apparently you make a good broom.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
