she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
jump out the window naked night went bad
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