May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
