piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize