1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
