Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
