Sponge bath it is.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
