there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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