Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
