Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
