We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
