Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
