Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
