Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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