I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
