How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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