I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
