My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
