I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
