i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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