I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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