i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The adults are the big ones right?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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