you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
