FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
